We have a special treat today. Angela Yarber, author of Queering the American Dream, has dropped in for an interview. I’m going to relinquish the floor to her because she has so much wonderful information to share.
SueBE: You have written a complex, compelling narrative. How would you introduce it to writers who primarily write for young readers?
Angela: Every family is different, but not all families are treated equally, even though they love each other just like all families. Queering the American Dream is the story of how my family was treated differently because we have two moms and an adopted child. It’s a story of how I had to leave my job because I’m gay, so my family traveled all over the country to decide what to do next. Our journey is fun, funny, meaningful, and sometimes challenging because of our differences. But we didn’t travel alone. Instead, there were a lot of different women who inspired us and made our travels possible, so I share some of their stories, too.
SueBE: When I picked up your book, I expected part travelogue, part eulogy, and biographies about those you have painted. With such a complex and varied topic, how do you make sure everything fits? That you haven’t gone astray?
Angela: The stories of the women I’ve painted are so intricately woven into my life, vocation, and research that sharing glimpses into their biographies are inseparable from my own. I also had to do quite a bit of editing. There are plenty of stories from my travels that I didn’t share simply because they didn’t really fit the themes or draw the narrative forward.
And, to be honest, I do go astray sometimes! Part of memoir, particularly of the queer and feminist variety, is showing how life doesn’t always go as planned. When I left on the journey I recount in Queering the American Dream, I hoped I’d write about it, but I never imagined I’d do so through the lens of death and grief, for example.
SueBE: No, that really isn’t the kind of thing you plan to do but it did help create a powerful narrative. With Elizabeth’s power saw analogy in mind, what advice do you have for creators who are finding it difficult to recharge?
Note to the reader: On page 108 of the book, Angela relates an analogy Elizabeth uses in describing work surrounding empowerment. I’ve included it below to help you understand Angela’s response to my question.
If your power saw doesn’t work, there are typically one of three things
wrong:
- the blade is too dull and needs either sharpening or replacement,
- your battery is drained and needs charging, or
- your power source is faulty and won’t adequately charge your
battery.
Angela: This is such an important question. The poignance of the power saw analogy is that it gives us a three-pronged approach to self-care and recharging. We must “blade sharpen” by honing our writing skills, creating regularly, and having discipline, but this is not enough. We must also find constructive ways to charge our drained batteries; not just with bubble baths or spa days, but with radical self-care for collective liberation. To me, this means setting and abiding by boundaries, resting, getting plenty of sleep, eating fresh, vibrant, enlivening foods that delight our senses, asking for help from my community, exercise, and meditation. But the third element is actually the most important, and that’s acknowledging that many of our power sources are faulty. Sometimes, no matter how much “blade sharpening” we do and how many bubble baths we take, we still feel overwhelmed, stressed, burned out because the sources we’re plugging into for recharge are inherently oppressive. And those systems need dismantling!
So, if it’s at all possible, step away long enough to pause for a writing retreat. If you don’t have the time or resources to go somewhere fancy, ask a friend to take the kids for a few hours and head to the public library with a cup of your favorite tea; make a retreat with your intentions (and some libraries are gorgeously inspiring). Give yourself time every day to quietly and gratefully breathe and gently stretch. Join an online writing community that aligns with your values for solidarity, encouragement, and accountability. And offer yourself some grace; you’re a human with feelings and needs and not a writing robot who can just spew out product day after day!
SueBE: What valuable advice! When you, Elizabeth, and Ru ventured to Hawaii, you had to make a choice. Go with your original plan or break away and do something different. What advice do you have for writers who aren’t sure that moving forward with a manuscript, a publishing opportunity, or even a class they have signed up for is a good idea? How might they evaluate their situation?
Angela: As a Type-A creative, I’m a big fan of combining strategic planning with intuitive creativity to form a happy medium regarding how to move forward. So, I love to make a good ol’ fashioned pros and cons list. But I don’t stop there. Rather, I also approach the list intuitively, assigning more value (or bigger, bolder font) to the items on the list that mean more to me, while minimizing those that mean less. On the one hand, I recommend strategically evaluating the ROI (return on investment) of a class you registered for or a manuscript you’re working on, while simultaneously listening to your gut. I imagine a creative like dancer Isadora Duncan—who would remain supine with her hands on her solar plexus until inspiration arose—combined with a business savvy CEO with a spreadsheet in hand.
Good evaluation means bridging the gap between heart and head, body and soul, solar plexus and spread sheet to best evaluate your situation. Sometimes the gut wins out over the spreadsheet. Other times, the pros clearly outweigh the cons, even when your heart tells you otherwise. Most of the time, though, I think the evaluation comes when these two sides of ourselves serve as conversation partners.
SueBE: I love that different items have different sized fonts! Last but not least, what question do you wish I had asked? And how would you respond to it?
Angela: How about the classic question, “Why did you write this book?”
I wrote my book because I’m sick of seeing so many marginalized people bound to the so-called dreams that have been systematically designed to disenfranchise us. Heteronormativity. White supremacy. The 9-to-5 rat race. Broken education, medical, and criminal justice systems. We’ve been told to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps by a country that has stolen our boots. And that’s not ok.
Or, to quote my queer clergywomen coven, “Honey, it’s not you. It’s the system.”
I wrote and published this book so that readers can see examples of what it means to live and dream differently. Because, in the words of Toni Morrison, the only life “you can have is the one you can imagine.” My inspiration is an exercise is radical imagination, of dreaming what life and work and vocation and family could look like if we heed the wisdom of queer women of color who have been dreaming creative, alternative, dismantling dreams from the jump. It wasn’t easy, but my wife and I tried to follow this queer, intersectional wisdom.
SueBE: And can I say that I am so happy you did? Because this book is amazing and it will be valuable to so many people. Thank you for sharing so much of yourselves and your lives with us and for taking the time to discuss your craft. Thank you, thank you!
To my readers – Angela is now on tour for her book. To keep up on what is going on in her quest to Queer the American Dream, check out the information on her site here.
One Writer's Journey 